Mac and Me

Happy 24th

2011-08-24T21:02:00.000-05:00

pinned here from here

Today my husband asked me what day it was. To which I replied that four months from today is Christmas Eve. After which, he called me Rainman.

I can't help it. I love the anticipation of Christmas. Pom-pom wreath, anyone?

5 Minute(ish) Outfit: TOAST

2011-08-22T20:44:00.000-05:00

As promised, one more stale '5 minute outfit', and then on to better things. Sadly, none of the above items from TOAST are available anymore. On the plus side, I can always hope that the shorts I'm stitching up these days will come out a little like the ones pictured here...

5-Minute(ish) Outfit

2011-08-22T12:52:00.000-05:00

Catching up on some '5 Minute Outfits' sitting in my folder...The above items are from Anthropologie, or anyway they used to be. It seems I've let this sit so long that much of them are no longer available. (Available items are labelled). However, I'm pretty sure this is just to amuse myself anyway and no one (including me) was planning on rushing out and purchasing anything.

Since Beth asked me a whole long while back what I use to make my collages, I will take this opportunity to tell you that I use Picasa...and I love it.

In other news, I'm on my lunch break at the nearest coffee spot and I feel like if I stand up, I just might barf. Not good!

Happy Monday, everyone. One more stale outfit to come, and then hopefully more relevant(?) stuff is on the way. (But no promises here).

A Bit Random

2011-05-14T21:19:00.000-05:00

So, somehow in my blogging absence, I surpassed the 10,000 hits mark. I can't imagine why 20,100 eyeballs would come to rest here for a second or two, but I guess it's cool. I have been taking breaks off and on from posting here, mostly because I've been struggling to know what it's all about and what my words or (often borrowed) photos could possibly have to add to the pool.

The past year has been a strange one. I don't feel like the same person that left home 2 years ago. And honestly, I miss that person sometimes. I think I was a better friend. I felt things more deeply. I engaged life more often. I appreciated beauty more. I experienced wonder. Heck, I looked a lot younger too. These days, I just feel old and tired. I don't feel like a particularly good wife, or a particularly good employee, or a particularly good friend or daughter or granddaughter.

I think I've come unplugged.

There are a few possible explanations. Exhaustion. Maybe depression. But mostly I think...a choice to disconnect because everywhere I look I see something tragic. I'm not being melodramatic, it's just that it's been a really, really tough year for most of the people I love very much. I feel helpless and sometimes I shut down. My own faith has been in a crisis, and rather than getting back up and fighting, I think I've just decided to sit life out for a bit. Or I thought it would just be for a bit.

Anyway...The past few weeks I was reading the book of John, and what struck me more than anything is that we tend to want the wrong things. I have wanted healing for my friends and the restoration of what's been lost to them. Clearly not wrong things...unless you stop believing that God is still good despite all that you see, and you choose to stop engaging in life and relationship with Him. I didn't realize my faith was so weak. I didn't realize I trusted Him so very little.

I've been asking myself a lot lately what I want. Do I want a relationship that lasts forever in which I can fully engage? Or do I just want a 'good life'? ... Do I want to fully trust in Someone? Or do I just want to keep trying to be so good in and of myself that I need nothing and trust no one? What would it feel like to want what my soul already knows it wants, but my heart and mind so quickly forget? What would it feel like to have that one giant desire completely, utterly, absolutely, eternally fulfilled?

I don't know, but I want to find out.

My Weekend Project

2011-05-01T22:25:00.000-05:00

This weekend I've been a school project widow. So, do you think I used all that alone time to sew? Nope. But this is from a few weekends ago, so hopefully it still counts. A pattern I remade from a 1970's swim trunk pattern. I think they're the comfiest pair I own! (Sleep shorts, not swim trunks).

In other news, I soooo don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Is anyone with me on this? Be thankful, E, be thankful.

Play It Loud Friday

2011-04-29T23:24:00.000-05:00

The post in which I confess to you what I listened to on my Friday evening commute and conjure up a funny story from the week that was.

Today I got to leave work early, so I wasn't feeling as much of a need to blast some Friday freedom music on my drive home...And besides, Mac switched me cars and his a/c is still broken so riding home on the expressway with the windows rolled down was a little bit music-prohibitive. So instead...I present to you last night's Play It Loud, wherein we stayed up past our bedtime (okay my bedtime) to hear a friend's song being played on a show we'd never seen. It was way worth it. Here's the song...

I've included another song below because this guy's really good and the video has some footage of Austin which will no doubt look a little familiar (in the opening shots anyway) if you've ever come to visit me! South Congress feels like home...the part of home that makes me feel a little anxious, but home nonetheless. Anyway, on with the music!

Impressed? Then get yourself some free songs! And one more thing, this made me laugh.

You are going to need that laugh up there, because the only 'funny' story I can think of from this week was getting up the nerve to go to a consignment clothing store, only to have almost all my clothing rejected as not the 'teen style' they were looking for. I...guess...that's...a compliment?

Oh, Texass

2011-04-25T21:19:00.000-05:00

When my mom was helping Mac and me pack all our belongings to move to Austin, she couldn't resist labeling some of the boxes as Texass bound. She didn't want us to leave Montana.

With my pollen-swollen head and a flea infested work place, I have been feeling rather deep in the heart of Texass lately. Once upon a time, I used to console my homesick self with the fact that at least we don't have forest fires here...but apparently, sadly, we do.

Well, it's still a great place to be (we have great friends who make it so!), and I know I have a ton to be thankful for, so here's a start...

Today I am thankful for...
1. the most rested state I have felt in a while (due to...)
2. a day off (kind of) to clean my house...even if the price to pay was a couple hundred flea bites.
3. the fact that no one was injured in last week's fire.
4. a whole day to spend with sweet Miss Maya Juniper--she was so lovey today.

5. a crock pot meal (if you try this recipe, you can ask me for the tweaks)

Yesterday didn't feel much like Easter in a lot of ways, but I am thankful that even when you take traditions and family gatherings and whatever all else away (cough Robin's Eggs cough), it still means all of life to me. He is risen indeed.

For fun, here's a little Easter video where Mac's backside (oh, and our church too) made the news. Can you find him?

Gratitude Project

2011-04-18T22:05:00.000-05:00

This morning was rough. As in tuff. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep drinking my coffee and spilled it down my arm and couch. I felt like crying thinking of spending another 40 hours on my heinie doing things I largely don't understand that don't really stir my heart. A good day for some gratitude, don't you think?

Today I am thankful for...

1. A boss I truly like and his wife who definitely ups my laughter quotient every time I get to hang out with her.

2. The cookie that somebody dropped off at work that I didn't mean to eat. Oh well.

3. Coffee, oh coffee. Even when you spill on my arm and couch.

4. Quiet time and the One who waits to meet me there.

5. The big risks my sweet husband and I took to get to each other and...

The decision we made 2 years ago today to love each other for the rest of our lives. It's our anniversary! I'm not good at decisions but I made a good one that day.

Sadly, our wedding photos didn't transfer to my new computer, so you'll have to suffer through this mushy one from the day we were engaged. Kissing photos (of people you know) are always so awkward, right?

Because I think my husband deserves 5 all his own...

Today I am extra thankful for...

1. The way we can be sitting silently in front of the tv and suddenly burst out laughing at the same dumb thing (i.e. "Hi, my name's Henry Winkler.")

2. My husband who still holds my hand and wraps his arm around me when we walk.

3. What turned out to be a grreat anniversary day--with a dog walk, my favorite!

4. My husband's singing: in earnest, in jest, in shower, no matter

5. I will save this one for a post later this week!

Same day, slightly less sappy/mushy.

Play It Loud Friday

2011-04-15T18:51:00.002-05:00

The post in which I confess to you what I listened to on my Friday evening commute and conjure up a funny story from the week that was.

Today I had my blood drawn by a man that nicknamed me dimples. He also asked me what kind of steroids I was on because he had seen body builders with smaller veins than mine. He cautioned me never to fall and cut myself on that 'water hose' because I would bleed for weeks. All of this he said while I clenched tightly to a nerf ball. Not that you need it...but it's procedure. Before I could even feel a needle, he had collected my blood and stopped up my wound with a cotton ball and a strip of masking tape. You can let go now, he said to my hand, still clutching the ball. Something tells me somebody doesn't like needles. See you later, dimples.

I love people who are good at what they do. I think this might be a recurring theme here. Don't worry, New Order will not be. I don't even know what that song is about, but from now on whenever I hear it (which isn't often), I'm just going to think of a woman in a litter box.

Gratitude Project

2011-04-11T21:14:00.007-05:00

Sunday evenings and Monday mornings just might be the hardest. So...in keeping with this post, I'm starting a new project:

today I am thankful for...

1) birds that sing

2) my friend Charlie who looks like Gregory Peck and teaches me about mockingbirds

3) my husband's hugs

4) friends to talk with

5) a soft bed to sleep (or in the case of last night, lay awake) in

And because it's a special day...an extra one!

6) My Dad!

Deep Thoughts (#2)

2011-03-30T07:17:00.000-05:00

When your next step looks like a step backward...it's difficult to know if it's the right one.

(Deep Thoughts #1...ish)

When I Grow Up, I Want To Paint Like Charley

2011-03-27T21:27:00.000-05:00

New York Harbor, 1947 giclee print by Charley Harper

Peanut Butter Week

2011-03-26T19:43:00.003-05:00

We have been celebrating peanut butter week at our house, in honor of Mac's birthday. I always appreciate it when other people try a recipe and tell me how it turned out, so I thought I'd share these, both from Epicurious. I usually don't stray much from recipes, but I made a few changes on both of these and was pretty pleased with the results.

Peanut Butter Oatmeal M&M Cookies

First of all, if you have known me for a while, you will know that I have long been obsessed with the peanut butter oatmeal m&m cookies at Food for Thought in Missoula, Montana. They used to have a location called Second Thought over by my apartment and when I was in college, there were weeks when I would stop by every day on my walk home and pay $1.25 for a cookie the size of my face...which might explain the freshman 15...30...40. Anyway, I am happy to tell you that 1) I don't do that anymore (for one thing that location closed, and for another I moved, and for still another I, believe it or not, have healthier eating habits than I did back then)... and 2) This recipe is the closest thing I've ever found to my original obsession.

Ingredients for my version

1 1/2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar (pretty sure I've used dark)
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup peanut butter
2 large eggs
12-ounce bag m&m's

In a food processor (or blender with a sharp blade!) pulse 1 cup of the oats until ground fine. In a large bowl stir together ground oats, remaining 1/2 cup whole oats, flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In another large bowl with an electric mixer beat together butter and sugars until light and fluffy and beat in vanilla and peanut butter. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition, and gradually beat in flour mixture. Add m&m's, stirring just until combined. Chill cookie dough, covered, at least 2 hours. Preheat oven to 325°F. Bake on ungreased baking sheets about 15 minutes, or until just pale golden. Cool cookies on baking sheet 5 minutes and transfer to racks to cool completely. Enjoy!

Comments: This recipe is really pretty perfect as is, but because I'm on a mission to duplicate the ones from my hometown...I'm going to keep playing with the proportions. Perhaps increase the pb a bit and decrease the butter. I also think I might try not grinding up the oats, but leaving them all whole. I'll let you know if I stumble upon something magical (and please do the same)!

Next up, Peanut Butter Cake

Actually, on Epicurious, this is Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake, but lots of reviewers said the chocolate, peanut butter and cream cheese frosting combo was a bit much, and anyway, Mac's not a huge chocolate fan unless it's Reese's (which you'll notice I substituted for the Butterfingers the recipe calls for). So...I kind of changed this one a lot. Instead of the chocolate filling which requires you to start one day ahead (I had about 4 hours), I made my own peanut butter cream cheese filling (which I kind of wish I would've used for the top and sides of the cake too, because it was yummy!). Here goes...

Ingredients for my version

Cake

2 1/4-2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1/2 cup natural creamy peanut butter
2 cups packed brown sugar (they suggest light; I used some light, some dark)
4 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/4 cup buttermilk

Frosting

1 1/2 packages cream cheese (8 oz), room temperature
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup natural creamy peanut butter (for filling; if you want to try it for all the frosting, use more!)

Cake. Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease two 9-inch-diameter cake pans. Line bottoms with parchment paper. Sift first 4 ingredients into medium bowl. In large bowl with an electric mixer, beat butter and peanut butter until blended. Beat in sugar. Beat in eggs, 1 at a time, then vanilla. At low speed, beat in flour mixture in 4 additions alternately with buttermilk in 3 additions. Divide batter among pans and spread evenly. Bake cakes until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 25 minutes. (Mine was longer because I used an extra deep pan and cut the layers later...not recommended for this recipe). Cool cakes 5 minutes. Turn out onto racks; peel off parchment. Cool cakes completely.

Frosting and Filling. Using electric mixer, beat cream cheese, 2 1/2 cups powdered sugar, butter, and vanilla in large bowl until smooth. I honestly don't know if I used that much powdered sugar, I just kept adding it til it tasted right and seemed the right texture. Set aside enough frosting for the top and sides, and leave about 3/4 cup for the filling. Stir in 1/4 cup peanut butter and powdered sugar to taste. I chilled both frosting and filling until cakes were cooled and ready, but if you had made the cakes ahead of time and they were already cool, I don't think you'd need to. Frost layers, chop up a few Reese's peanut butter cups for the top, and have a birthday party!

Comments: My cake sunk in the middle, A LOT. That's why you might notice some piecing together at the bottom center of that slice of cake. Other than that, though, the layers of this cake held together (and are still holding!) very nicely. I think the sinking might have had to do with my gigantically deep pan, and the rest of the cake cooking before the center had finished. In order to get the center cooked all the way, I ended up overbaking, so beware of that. Even with a little overbaked-ness, it was still pretty darn good! As far as the cream cheese frosting, I don't know if I liked this one as much as others I've made, so if you have a favorite cream cheese frosting recipe already, I'd use that.

To My Best Friend

2011-03-22T23:03:00.000-05:00

Family portrait

Happy Birthday, Mac. I love lots of things about you, and my list is always growing. I love that you're my best friend. I love that you can wear pearl snap shirts without looking like you're trying too hard. I love that you're not afraid to love country music and your dog. I love that for as long as I've known you (9 years less than the 33 years that you are today), I have never been able to put a label on you. In 5th grade, when the cool kids discovered your humor, I thought for sure you'd get swept away in a popularity wave (like I probably would have, given the chance). But you didn't really change. You've always been you. You could be friends with everybody then, and you can be friends with anybody now. I love that you are full of surprises, like the time you first opened your mouth to sing. I love that when I am feeling down or lonely, I can listen to songs you sang only for me.

I love that tomorrow, God willing, I get to wake up beside you for one more day, one more year of a lifetime of years...and discover again all the things I love. You.

Rotting Blog Posts

2011-03-15T19:51:00.000-05:00

I posted a few stale blog posts below. They won't make much sense if you think I wrote them today, but if I tell you I wrote them November and January respectively, perhaps they will? Or perhaps not. It just felt kind of nice to publish something! And hey, I finally have a computer so I am type-type-publish-happy, hooray!

My Optimist Suit

2011-03-15T19:45:00.001-05:00

I know that this is the time of year when most people have their cleanest, freshest, least wrinkly, best smelling, Optimist suits on...and you probably know that I have not yet been so fortunate as to find such a suit in all my 2nd-handling (I don't know if that term works...so perhaps we should stick to thrifting)...but here is what helps me tolerate...maybe even feel excited about...the thought of the new year to come. I can't predict it.

Seriously, this gives me great hope.

Before the new year even thought about starting, I had let myself start to dread it. I thought I had it all figured out. Work. A good job, but one I don't feel made for. When yesterday-Monday woke up, I laid in bed thinking about how much I was not going to enjoy myself. Anymore. This year. Maybe next. A thought bubble appeared above my head (not my own, I'm convinced): "Erin, you think too much". And it slowly began to hit me (as slow as hits can ever be, anyway). I DO think too much. I think so much I practically look for things to dread and fear and every possible reason why I should. (Somewhere in the world, a Hallelujah chorus bubble is hovering above Mac's head).

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I guess what I'm trying to say is...I thought I could predict so much about my life, and I sort of dismissed a large portion of it before it even had a chance to happen. But looking back, I see that the most wonderful things in my life were things I could never have predicted. The husband I met in 4th grade. The dog whose freckly mugshot we couldn't resist on a shelter website. The friends who showed up on Montana's doorstep and the friends whose doorsteps I showed up on in Texas. Sudden back to back sister/mom visits in December when I couldn't have needed it more. All of it, too much for my fairly imaginative brain to invent sometimes, much less predict.

I'm not blind to the fact that some of the very worst things in life are also the things we couldn't predict. The tragedies that blindside us. An avalanche, a diagnosis, a disappearance, a breakdown...a loss. For a long time I felt like I worked in the vortex of blindsiding tragedies. My job was opening the door to the shelter in everyone else's storms, and you would think it would be depressing, but I've never been in a more hopeful place. I watched friendships sprout like rogue wild berries growing in thickets of knapweed (or whatever other plant villain you can think of). I would never go so far as to say the tragedies were beautiful, because they weren't. They were ugly would-be thieves. I would say that almost always something unexpectedly lovely came out of them, though. Mostly the loveliness was just...love.

Anyway, I remind myself that I need to rest and rejoice in the fact that I cannot see the days of my life unfolding before they do...and that I have no right to dread them. If I can just scratch the surface of the expected and let what's barely hidden beneath surprise me somehow each day, I think this might just be a year to look forward to.

A Reason for My Silence

2011-03-15T19:44:00.000-05:00

Do you ever just come to the realization that the life you're living is not the life you want to live? Does it force you to stop and make changes? If so, will you impart your wisdom to me? Because often I tend to despair.

To be clear, it is work that has me feeling so down. I mean...how do you live a life you want to live when the money must keep coming in? How do you make a change when jobs are so hard to find and this is so not the time to be jumping ship?

I have a feeling that possibly the answer might lie in a change of heart...a change of attitude. I also have a feeling that those things are deeply connected to (1) being thankful for what you have and (2) giving of whatever you have to someone who doesn't...whether it's time, energy, money, encouragement, knowledge, laughter, service, whatever. Each of us has something that someone else does not.

This seems as good as any a place and time (and month!) to insert a (sure-to-be-ever-expanding) list of things I'm grateful for. My dad used to always say to a chorus of eye-rolls (we were teens, what can I say?)..."You've got to get an ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE" (So here's to you, Dad.)

I am thankful for my family--for the parents who raised me and the sisters I have always looked up to (and not just because they have at all times been 1/3 - 4 feet taller than me). I am thankful that the family I grew up with--sisters, cousins, etc. are so darn silly, brilliant and creative.
I am thankful for my husband who has always seen something in me that I can't, and who believes that whatever that is (me, I guess!) is worth fighting for.
I am thankful--so thankful--that God is bigger than me...and yet even though my problems are minuscule in comparison, they are somehow strangely still important to Him. (This must be love.)
I am thankful for Miss Maya Joon who makes us laugh hard, play outside, and make new friends every day...and who always welcomes us home with hugs and kisses no matter what kind of mood she's in.
I am thankful that cooler weather comes, even to Texas...and along with it come fat twists of wooly yarn, chai tea, toasty boots and scarves, Crock Pot dinners (with any luck), holiday traditions, Christmas lights, Jesus' birthday and a chance to start it all again.
I am thankful for the journey and all the people God's given me to share it with. Honestly, I need to think of it more because when I do...it takes my breath away. I am also thankful simply because it is a journey and at any given moment, I don't have to have 'arrived'. Eternity has already begun as God loves me in this crazy process.

More to come. Thanks to you who indulge me and my thoughts!

Hello, 2011

2011-01-01T17:43:00.000-06:00

I read this Audrey Hepburn quote the other day while browsing the bargain books at B&N (because you know I can't resist picking up an Audrey book): "Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same."

I guess that's kind of how I feel about New Year's Eve/Day. Every year I think it will be different, and every year I'm disappointed because really...I'm not that different. Oh sure, things change...I change...but in the end, I'm only getting closer to who I was in the beginning anyway. Isn't that kind of what growing older is? In your teens and twenties, you try so hard to outrun yourself...your childhood, your growing up, your big lump of a past...and then in your thirties you start trying to get back. Or maybe it's just me.

Anywho, I realized that I haven't been blogging because I wanted to be this forever-ly over the moon, adventurous newlywed with wit, stories, or at the very least nice pictures to share. I haven't been able to admit to myself, much less to other people, how much it all aches sometimes (and by "all", I pretty much mean life).

I feel so stupid saying this because I know very well how fortunate and blessed I am, but you see...my form of outrunning myself all my life has been holding things in, maintaining an illusion, shutting out life/people/emotions and building up walls. So when I put it that way...maybe it's better just to say what feels stupid. Besides that, I find I am always touched--even encouraged--when people admit that they struggle too. Even (and perhaps especially) when everything looks so rosy from the outside (good job, brand new baby/marriage/adventure...) I guess it's a sigh of relief to know it's not just me.

Happy 2011, everyone. Here's to shedding a few more layers and loving each other in all our different phases.

5 Minute Outfit

2010-10-25T21:44:00.000-05:00

So, maybe you know this about me and maybe you don't...but basically I'm a pretty big dork. When I was "little" (circa age 5 to 17ish), I used to have these imaginary contests with myself (did I mention I was also a bit shy?). When I was really small, I would be putting together a jigsaw puzzle and I'd imagine I was in a competitive match with a roomful of people. When I was a little older, I would do crossword puzzles and imagine the same thing. Both with an imaginary audience, of course.

Anyway, all this is relevant because tonight I gave myself license to click on one of those shopping announcements I'm always getting in my e-mail. However, not wanting to let the clicking swallow up an entire evening...I decided to invent an imaginary contest for myself: The 5 minute outfit. The rules? Pretty much exactly as it sounds. All items from one website--must include everything you'd need to walk out the door and not cause a scandal (well, perhaps that's a matter of opinion). Voila.

All items from http://www.modcloth.com/

It's a little harder than it looks--especially with my little laptop being on it's last pitiful leg. I'm not going to lie, I removed one item as I was assembling the collage. But hey, isn't that what Coco said to do before you left the house anyway?

Speaking of Coco...I really wanted to dress up as her for Halloween, but having to answer, "Who are you supposed to be?"...and perhaps, "Who's that?" is enough to make me dig out my trusty old horse costume. Oh well. It's still fun in my head.

P.S. Kids, 2 months from today is Christmas--woohoo!

Meet Miss Maya Joon

2010-09-21T22:14:00.000-05:00

This is the face of happiness. The new love in our lives. Our little four-legged daughter, Maya Joon.

Daddy's girl

Loves her cousins

(How could she not?)

I know, I know. Pathetic.

: ]

Dog Days/Dog's Life

2010-09-08T21:44:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens when you go doggie shopping after 40 some hours of rain!

Despite getting filthy and soaked...despite getting lost after the GPS led us to a dead end...despite the fact that we hung out with sweet doggies all day and didn't get to bring one home (we wanted to take them all home!)...it was a pretty great day.

I know you'll think I'm kidding, but I'm really having to work hard at not letting the fact that I have to work in the morning ruin a perfectly good day. Here's the thing. Sometimes, especially lately, I just get tired of being a big girl. I get tired of getting up at a big girl hour, driving a big girl car in big girl traffic to get to a big girl job where I read about grown ups in big trouble. I get tired of being brave and tired of making decisions and honestly, sometimes I just don't want to do it all anymore. I want to spend my days making cool things and hanging out with the people I love. Why do we have to grow up anyway? Am I alone in this?

Thanks for the kind words on the last post. With everything I've described above, I've kind of been feeling like the life's been sucked out of me and it's a large reason why I haven't written for a while. I'm sure I'll work it out, but it sure helps to have some encouragement.

Please Excuse My Absence (and More Importantly, My Big Head)

2010-09-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I've blogged. Up to this point, I had a good lecture waiting for myself on the back burner of my mind. I should write. I should have a more interesting life to write about. When did I become so boring and empty of things to say? And la la la. But you know? I'm glad I took a break.

I started this blog because I thought there needed to be more good news in print. Because I knew there was much to be thankful for that seldom gets written about and sometimes, for negative-thinking little ones like me, seldom even talked about.

But...somewhere along the line I started thinking more about making myself sound interesting and living a life worthy of a good post. Discontentment is a hungry beast to whom gratitude is like candy. No wonder I ran out of things to say.

Today I stopped thinking about how I really should write something, and took time to read what everyone else has been writing (I had been avoiding this out of some weird sort of amateur writer's/crafter's guilt). I was shocked to see what my oldest friend has produced since the last time I checked her blog, and more shocked still to find that a friend halfway around the world whom she has never met found her blog through mine and made it a favorite...how a dear friend in Austin asked me the other day about a dear friend in Montana (and now that I remember, vice versa!) and how we are all so profoundly connected...(Using the word 'profound' always makes things seem less profound to me...like when you tell someone you love them and you know it only scratches the surface of what you really want to convey).

Anyway, I guess the only way I can say it is to say that taking it all in today made me feel so lucky. Here I have been spending so much time thinking about myself and what I am becoming that I have neglected to simply marvel at what a glorious cast of characters I have been plopped down into. I am lucky to know you. (And there I go scratching the surface again).

Laundry Day!

2010-02-20T16:34:00.000-06:00

(...also tie your shirt in a Daisy Duke knot to clean your house and pose for a picture in your laundry room day!)

Cute Friday

2010-02-20T00:29:00.000-06:00

wallpaper from Ferm Living on nestliving

I think when it comes to wallpaper, you're either for it or against. I (provided it's not covering up nasty, mildewed walls in a somewhat structurally unsound rental unit...) am all for it. I mean, look how cute these are! I'm guessing it will be quite a long time before we own a house, and possibly a never-ish-ly long time before we could ever afford these (or agree on them, haha), so perhaps I should set my sights on building a dollhouse instead...

Also from Ferm Living kids...this adorable owl quilt! I think I may have to borrow that idea for a baby gift sometime soon...

Life Unexpected

2010-02-16T14:20:00.001-06:00

Is anyone else watching this? I must confess the only reasons I got sucked in were 1) The main character wears cute knitted hats and 2) It is set in Portland, Oregon. You know I have an obsession with all things yarn-y, but I also am kind of obsessed with that "I've been there!" feeling I have when I see some place I have been on tv (the fact that I miss the Northwest doesn't hurt). For those reasons, the show doesn't disappoint (even if most of it is filmed in Vancouver, B.C., where I have also been, now that I think of it).

As for my review of the show itself...so far so-so. One thing I think I can safely say...it shouldn't take long for her hats to be the sensation of knitting blogs/forums everywhere. (Perhaps even this one, if I get enough oomph to copy one soon).

Oh, and in the process of writing this post...I stumbled upon the Baby Maker game on the show's website. It is disturbing in the extreme. Therefore, you know I couldn't resist. Meet our future children:

There are just so many things to say, I don't know where to begin:

1) My husband will kill me when he sees this.

2) Someone else needs to try this because seriously...did they even use our features?

3) It is suggested that you make a baby with your friend and send it to them on facebook. Scary much?

4) If only it were this easy to have children.

5) You know how they say being around screaming children is great birth control (sorry if I'm offending anyone)?...I have slightly the same feeling about this (merging adult features with baby faces/bodies = creepy).

Poladroid

2010-02-13T18:34:00.000-06:00

Forgive me. I should never write when I'm feeling bored and uninspired. For penance, I present my cute find of the day:

A fun little web application that lets you create Polaroid-esque imges from any photo files on your computer. Simply download the Poladroid program, and start dragging and dropping! True to form, the 'camera' makes you wait while you watch your 'film' develop (you can shake it if you want to...)--it even makes the sound that polaroids make when popping out of the camera. So fun!

Oh and incidentally, my eyes welled up with crocodile tears when I put up that last photo. I miss my family (in this case my mom and my adorable nephew) so so very very much.

Meh

2010-02-08T23:04:00.000-06:00

In a word, this is how I'm feeling.
I can feel a shift inside me
A realignment of things
Back to the way they should be.
And yet, I grow impatient.

When will I do the things I dream of doing? When will I be the person of my best intentions? When will I read articles about suffering and say, "Okay, I can help with that," rather than feeling overwhelmed and being paralyzed. I've tried to work it from the outside in, but failure and a kind God have always stopped me. This is what I mean when I say I feel a shift...God in His vast patience is working on me first. Not making me perfect by any means...Just helping me surrender to the knowledge that, in His eyes of grace, I already am.

I can't really love until I'm Loved. I can't rescue until I'm Rescued. I can't feed the hungry when I'm starving too--I can't give away the very peace, hope, joy and life which I, too, am longing for. Not yet anyway.

So...God works.

Please don't mind me, I'm talking to myself.

A Year Ago Today...

2010-02-07T22:23:00.000-06:00

...Mac and me were engaged! So, if you've been counting...that means it was just 10 days after the day we saw each other for the first time in 12 years. Annnnnnd we've been married for almost 10 months now. Crazy kids.

I apologize for always flashing back. I learned it from my mom. She is always saying, "Just think, one week ago today we were doing _____________ ", or "Guess what we were doing 3 months ago today?", or the one that used to drive my poor aunt nuts (this was a 'flash forward'), "Just think--6 months from today Christmas will be over with." Funny, sweet mom whom I miss.

Funny, sweet classmate-cum-penpal-cum-fiancé-cum-husband whom I love.

I promise I'll blog about something new soon...but I can't promise it will be any better than this : ]

Inspiration (As If You or I Needed Anymore...)

2010-01-30T22:20:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to wean myself from gathering hours and hours of sewing/knitting/crafting inspiration online (and therefore accomplishing very little actual sewing/knitting/crafting)...but I seriously got giddy when I saw this on the Anthropologie website today. I never knew my dreamstyle had a name, but I think this it: 50's Proper Preppy Prim.

How fun it would be to file court motions in these. Now to sew!

On a related note...did you know that you can find free patterns to download at the BurdaStyle website? I haven't tried any yet, but this skirt makes me want to!

I love that this girl made a dress from it!

Flight

2010-01-28T22:43:00.000-06:00

One year ago tonight, my future husband was on a plane from Boston to Missoula, Montana to see a girl he hadn't seen in roughly 12 years: Me. Happy anniversary of flight, dearheart. It's been a crazy year...I love you.

My Weekend Project, Part II

2010-01-26T21:04:00.000-06:00

This is what I really made this weekend. I didn't decide til around 6:30 pm Sunday that I needed to create something...so one card was as far as I got. It's amazing how long it takes to cut out a herd of tiny hearts! No tutorial for this one...just a prefolded white card, some cardstock, scissors and glue. And...if you're smarter than I am, a heart hole punch! I can't decide whether to leave the front as is, or write something clever like, "Happy Valentines Day!" Thoughts?

My Weekend Project, Part I

2010-01-26T11:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I thought of posting a My Weekend Project every Monday to help motivate me to create more...The only problem is 1) It's Tuesday...and 2) This project is actually from a couple weekends ago. Oh well, it's a start. Hopefully later today I will post Part II, which will include what I actually created this weekend.

I never really saw the point of making pillowcases before, honestly. But this last December when I was so homesick for family and Christmas in Montana, I discovered some flannel snowmen pillocases* that my mom had made for me a few years back. Putting them on the bed made me feel so homey and festive and loved. I don't know if making my own pillowcases have quite that effect (especially since Mac mildly hates them), but I really enjoyed the process and was pleased with how they turned out. I used the Perfect Pillow Case tutorial from Stop Staring and Start Sewing, only I made my border (yellow) 2 inches wider (12"), which made the body (blue) 2 inches shorter (23").

Yeah, they're a little bit more Holly Hobbie-ish than my usual style...but there's also something comforting about that (maybe because my oldest sister used to make me and my middle sister Holly Hobbie art for Christmas presents). There's also something kind of happy-sweet-silly-eccentric-English-lady about tossing floral prints wherever you want (perhaps this explains my strange addiction to cotton prints??).

Mac's main reason for not liking them (or the one that he'll admit to, anyway), is that they don't really match** the rest of our "decor". I'm putting quotation marks around the word decor because we haven't really done much that can be considered decorating...as you can see by the writing on the wall.

Hope you enjoyed the first of the My Weekend Project posts! I'm really excited and hopeful about creating more this year. I have linked the title of this post directly to the tutorial--I will try to do that every time I use a tutorial for a project so you have an easy reference.

* Back then I wondered what I would do with 2 pillowcases! I guess my mom was psychic.
** It is truly a mystery to me when guys started caring about these things...I know I'm not the only one with a husband with a strong sense of style and equally strong opinions. Ah well...at least he has good taste!

Good News Train

2010-01-23T22:14:00.001-06:00

Mac developed some film for me for Christmas--Here's a favorite photo from our summer cross-country road trip!

I recently realized something about myself: I am not very forthcoming with good news. It's strange. I'm not that shy about telling people my struggles, but I have the hardest time telling people about good stuff when it happens. It's almost as if I don't really believe it...or maybe I don't trust it. As if I think the good news is going to disappear once it's spoken outloud and I'll be standing around like an emperor without clothes. It often happens that, rather than being thankful and celebrating all I've been given, I live in fear that it won't last and I forecast depression on an otherwise pretty bright future. It's ridiculous, really.

I've been thinking about this because I've had a lot of people act surprised when they find out I have a job--a 'real' job, not seasonal retail or temp labor (though I'm thankful I had that when I did). It makes me sad I've been so tight-fisted with this information. So here I go...the law office I had been working for on a temporary basis has offered to keep me on indefinitely, and is training me to be a legal secretary/assistant. They have been really good to me--patient and kind and generous. And I actually enjoy my job...fancy that! Right now it's only part-time, so something will need to change, but...I don't know...deep down I feel like it's taken care of, and what's required of me is just to work well and be grateful.

God is so good to me, even when I can be an unthankful little brat (my words, not His). It feels refreshing to share good news with you. Speaking of good news, my husband and our music pastor are singing When Peace Like A River (It Is Well With My Soul) in the living room as I write. Talk about being thankful. The full story of that song is here, but it was written by a man who lost nearly everything...including 4 daughters in a sinking ship. I remember my dad singing this song in church and getting teary-eyed. I guess he was thinking of us. Yeah, I've got a lot to be thankful for.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

World's Shortest Giveaway!

2010-01-22T19:01:00.000-06:00

You all deserve a prize!

Celebrate Life--for guessing the other item I had at the check-out stand before the cashier told me it was $8.99 (It was sooo cute, but it was basically a pillowcase sewn to a tank top and I just couldn't justify that price...Told you I was a cheapskate!).
One Crazy Mom--for following instructions best by including her e-mail : ] (I also had a hard time saying no to that sweater. It was navy and wine colored stripes, but a little bit too sheer...neither of which show up in the picture...strange!).
sylvia--for becoming a new Mac and Me follower (Yay!! And because looking back at the pictures while writing this post, I was kind of sad I didn't snag that jacket...)
Betherann--for guessing the correct item! (I think Beth realized my love for all things turquoise long before I ever did!)

Congratulations, Beth! One green apron will be heading your way soon! Thanks for playing along, everyone--You guys are the bestest. I'm excited to do more giveaways as the year progresses. They won't normally be based on questions with only 8 possible answers...or questions at all per se...but I couldn't resist this one. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go sew a pillowcase to my tank top! (That dress may find it's home with me yet!)

Goodwill Tour--and Apron Giveaway!

2010-01-21T15:14:00.001-06:00

(clockwise from top left: short sleeve empire, pink stripe oxford, pleated button down, T-shaped sweater, pillowcase tank dress, short sleeve jacket, long sleeve empire, and balloon sleeve top)

Last Sunday on my way home from church, I accidentally found myself in the turn lane when I had intended to go straight. I decided that since I had to circle back anyway, (and didn't really feel like watching the football game that was being viewed at home) I would check out the nearby Goodwill. While I was there, I remembered the Clothing Wars challenge that Beth presented. I giddily completed my entry for that (most likely making the staff and customers wonder why on earth I was hauling such a hideous assortment of items to the dressing room.), but I'll hold off on posting those photos for now, because I have my own mini-challenge for you, my readers--Read on!

Remember when I said a while back that the Mac and Me household was without a full-length mirror? Well, we are still without one, but I have found it to be sort of helpful in a way. On the days when I photograph myself, I discover certain things. Things I wouldn't necessarily notice in a mirror. For instance...some things don't look as good as I thought...some things look better than I thought...some things work/don't work together when I had previously thought otherwise, and some things are just plain boring. I don't know why we see ourselves differently in a photograph than we do in a mirror, but I guarantee you it's true.

Anyway, I decided to apply my 'makeshift mirror' technique in the dressing room at Goodwill. Here are some of the discoveries I made:

1) It was easier to narrow down what I really wanted to take home with me (and I am a spendthrift with a part-time job so it had to be a VERY narrow list) when I took photos of what I was trying on. If looking back at the photo made me think, "Yay!", then I knew I had a contender. I'm sure some stores frown on this, but sometimes I need a second opinion and this was as close as I was going to get without asking an unsuspecting employee/customer/child playing in the nearby toy section.
2) I discovered that I tend to gravitate toward empire-waisted shirts a.k.a. baby-doll shirts (but not like the 90's belly shirts!!) and plain cotton button down shirts (like preppy man-shirts for girls). I decided maybe I should curb my penchant for both. The former is something my mom would probably say "doesn't do much" for me...though I partially blame her and all her cute maternity tops in the 70's for the allure they hold. The latter is safe for work, but becoming a little bit boring.

So...having said all that, I'm proud to announce that I went home with only one item. My challenge to you is, which item do you think it was? Tell you what. I will send one green apron (pictured at right) to the first person who guesses correctly! One guess per person...One additional guess if you choose to follow my blog (and are not doing so already). Crafty, ain't I? The rules are pretty simple. Just leave a comment on this post and an e-mail address spelled out (i.e. sweatsuited at yahoo dot com) so I can get in touch with you! I don't expect this to last long...I'm not that hard to figure out!

P.S. As for the red cowboy boots and fedora, I can tell you I didn't go home with either of those (darn, right!?). They were part of the Clothing Wars challenge so you'll be seeing them again soon!

Favorite Shoes

2010-01-20T07:45:00.000-06:00

The Velveteen Rabbit of shoes. Except, unlike the Velveteen Rabbit (near as I can remember anyway), there was a time when I had to let these go forever. I started noticing that every meeting I went to (back in the days when I had a real job) smelled suspiciously like feet.* A sad day for many reasons.

Anywho, they (Seychelles) don't make these anymore (also a sad day when I found that out), but someone is selling a slighly used black pair on ebay. As much as I loved them though...I'm not sure I could handle the potential of someone else's foot smell showing up one day like an uninvited guest.

How do you guys feel about used shoes? Have you ever owned a pair of shoes you wore to death/sadly discovered aren't made anymore?

* My feet don't smell normally, I promise! It's just that I wore these shoes THAT much. And it's true what your mother told you...don't go without socks/stockings.

Confession

2010-01-18T21:25:00.000-06:00

So, I was logging in to write a random short post about my favorite pair of shoes when I stopped to read the latest posts from friends whose blogs I follow. Two of them (and I only follow about 5) were about Haiti relief, and I suddenly realized something that's been sneaking up on me for some time. I have become someone who has grown quite comfortable with avoiding bad news...well, with avoiding news altogether I think, but the presumption is that it's really the bad news I'm avoiding.

I guess I don't always know what to do in the face of it all. I feel overwhelmed, and I often choose to bury my head in the sand. This makes me pretty sad because I think God's given me a perfectly good head. I guess the trouble is that He's also given me a heart that is prone to growing too big and heavy for me to carry on my own...so rather than going to Him with it, I turn a blind eye to protect my selfish heart. I can't help but think this makes God sad too.

I was so encouraged to read in the article that Katie posted (from Imago Dei Community), that one of the first opportunities we have to get involved is simply prayer: "We have access to the God of all creation in prayer. There is perhaps no more powerful resource we have than to turn to our Father and seek him on behalf of the people and the tragedy in Haiti." (For ideas on specific needs to pray for, see article). How easy it is to overlook this powerful opportunity to serve people. Why is that? Maybe as Americans we've just grown so used to throwing money at a problem in order to "fix" it. I'm not saying we should stop giving. I love that Americans tend to be so generous in the face of crisis and need. I just have a couple issues with it. 1) (Speaking selfishly, because I am more and more discovering what a selfish beast I am) It makes me feel powerless when I am in a position where I want to give so bad and can't. 2) I think when we are able to "fix" things with money, we are (I am) tempted to forget our need for God and we (I) fail to trust and pray. 3) I think some part of us thinks that with enough money, a problem will go away. But the problems of the world go so much deeper, and they extend so far beyond any given crisis. We live in a broken world where opportunities to give and serve (and pray!) surround us at any given moment.

So...I am feeling both challenged (not to bury my head in the sand anymore) and encouraged (that there may well be times when I can't board the next plane or even give money to help...but I can always, always pray). I don't exactly know the ways that God has called me to be His love in the world, but I sure as heck (can I say that?) want to spend my life finding out. Maybe it changes with each day or season. For today, I pray.

I Love an Awards Show!

2010-01-17T19:07:00.000-06:00

So, I had to bat my lashes a bit to reserve the tv for Golden Globes (and not football), but I'm so excited! I dragged my laptop into the living room with me in case any of my Skype friends were watching it too, and Mac said "Oh boy...are you blogging live from the Golden Globes?" Haha, well I wasn't planning on it, but come on...so fun! Watch with me!

Jenna Fischer - Golden Globes 2010 Red Carpet - Photo Gallery | Just Jared

Posted using ShareThis

Context

2010-01-17T17:00:00.000-06:00

I feel like I should add some context to my middle of the night notes from a few days back. I have always been someone who struggles with a lot of fear, anxiety and (little wonder) depression. So I often find that I'm surviving life like an attack and therefore, I'm always looking for someone or someones or something to save me. Sometimes I guess I have to hit rock bottom before I'll finally look up. When I did, I found that I already have Someone who saved and saves me. Every day, every hour, every second...God saves me. When will I ever get it and stop looking elsewhere? I am so tired of making myself and everyone I lean on miserable in my empty search for what's already been found. Either He is all the love, hope, life, joy, acceptance, approval and glory I need...or He's not. There is no room for lukewarm sentiments here. I for one want to believe. God, I believe in my head...help my unbelief in my heart.

On my drives to work last week, I started listening to a podcast series from my friend Katie's church in Oregon (Imago Dei, also Donald Miller's church). The series was entitled Rugged Spirituality and deals with the life of David, king and writer of many Psalms (one of which contains my favorite verse). Anyway, what I had heard that particular morning was this. We all find ourselves in a wilderness at some time or another. In David's wilderness, he learned to pray. The prayers he prayed in the wilderness (running for his life!) are some of my favorite Psalms today. So think about this...when we find ourselves in a wilderness, it just might be an opportunity for us to learn to really pray from our guts...and that just might be something God uses to bless the whole world--even future generations--through us.

Clothing Wars

2010-01-16T19:20:00.001-06:00

Dedicated to my dear friend, Beth.

When I feel blue, sometimes it cheers me up to go to a store and try on something I would probably never purhcase (or wear) in a million years. My friend Beth and I developed a game around this when I was still living in Montana. It's called Clothing Wars and here's how it works:

We would enter a store together and within 5 or 10 minutes, pick out the most ridiculous clothes we could find for each other to try on. The person who came up with the silliest/worst outfit (for the other person to wear) won. Beth always won. Seriously, I would pick out what I thought would be the most hideous thing and somehow, they always looked almost wearable on her. Whereas I, on the other hand...well, you get the idea.

Another version of the game was the Prom Season version. I don't think there was ever a winner or loser with this game, because really we both just liked to try on ridiculous prom dresses. Yes, we were in our mid to late twenties. Do you see the second photo below? It is blurry because the shop girl was very angry with us for sharing one dressing room and demanded that we get out at once. So scary!

I really miss Clothing Wars. While it did cheer me up quite a bit to try on something I normally wouldn't wear and make silly faces while holding my camera in awkward positions...it just wasn't quite the same without my friend. So here is what I propose. A long-distance Clothing Wars that goes something like this: Walk into ___________ store and pick up the first ___________ (i.e. brown) shirt you see. Now grab the first ____________ (i.e. pleated) pants you see...and on and on until we have a competition worthy ensemble. Then we photograph ourselves and post the pictures for our readers to judge...and then we hope that the stores don't sue us or publicly chastise us. Hm...perhaps one day we should consider trying to make the best outfit instead...then the stores will thank us for all that free publicity!

What do you say? Anyone else want to join?

P.S. I actually ended up liking that black dress I tried on! Too bad it was so baggy up top and too bad I never go anywhere but work and church. It was cheap!

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning...

2010-01-13T01:09:00.000-06:00

A hard fought lesson:

The thing about God is, either He's it or He's not. Maybe it's time to stop looking and believe.

I don't know if anyone else needs to hear this too...I just know things changed when I did. If you say you believe God and yet are still looking for someone to die for you, approve of you, tell you belong, call you family, know you deeply and love you unfailingly...you are hurting yourself. There's only one who can hear your heart's cry at any time of day or night--whether it's expressed in words, broken sobs, or just plain old heart wrenching. So what are you waiting for, my friend? Cry out.

My Weekend Apron...or, New Year's Revolution Success!

2010-01-11T22:05:00.001-06:00

I did it! I said I was in the mood to sew and I actually did something about it! Granted...I was only motivated because of a last-minute gifting opportunity which failed to materialize in the end (didn't finish in time, didn't like it enough to give it away)...but hey, I sewed! It's been way too long, I have to say. Both me and the machine could use a few improvements, but all in all I'd say we got along rather handily.

I made up the pattern for this one, but as I was brainstorming and gathering inspiration online, I did come up with a few patterns that look fun to try. Best of all, they're free! I really love the internet sometimes. I'll try to post the best of my findings soon...I'd like to make another apron in the near future. No real reason...they're just simple and fun, and I like having the freedom to experiment without worrying about whether I'd wear it (in public) or not. (Sadly, this worry has become less and less frequent of late, and I think I may be in need of some fashion counseling soon.)

My workspace was looking so inviting this weekend, how could I help but sew!?

I'm Sew Excited, I Just Can't Hide It*

2010-01-04T22:07:00.000-06:00

I saw these photos from Built by Wendy today and it's official: I'm in the mood to sew!

This is a good thing, as Mac told me the other day that my New Year's resolution should be to sew more...to which I responded that it was! Actually, I wrote about 2 pages of 'revolutions' (no more resolutions, I always seem to fail them!), but sewing and just generally creating more were high up on the list.

Mac gave me this sewing machine for my birthday last year. It belonged to his mom. I am so excited to start sewing again!

*Come on, you knew a bad sewing pun was bound to happen sooner or later.

...Et Voila!

2010-01-03T22:24:00.000-06:00

My favorite discovery of the day, courtesy of Animal Head Vintage (a super inspiring site I stumbled upon in my usual Sunday evening blog-wanderings):

La photocabine. It's a virtual photobooth, just like the kind Mac and me (I know, I know...it should be Mac and I) went on a cross-country quest to find. Just like the kind I grew up using at every K-Mart, Sears and Bon Marché my little saddle shoes, Keds and jellies could drag me to...but have sadly since been removed. Yes, just like that...only free!

The instructions are en français, so just click the curtain to get inside and push the button when you're ready to go!

My second most favorite discovery will be seeing the photos that all of you take. Blog them, flickr them, facebook them, e-mail them...but by all means, don't let me down!

Walkin' in a Texas Wonderland

2009-12-30T00:01:00.002-06:00

As promised (sort of)...some photos of our Christmas day stroll. To help set the scene for folks far away: December 25th. Mid-afternoon walk along a town lake, that's also a ladybird lake, that's really a dammed up river running through town. Roughly 50 degrees, a married couple's first Christmas. She loves walking, he hates walking, they both love each other. A little duckwatching, a light breeze, lots of Spanish spoken, but not by them.

I think my very favorite part was at the end, when Carol of the Bells started chiming out from this tower, or at least I think it was this tower:

It's called Buford Tower. Did you know that one of the first--if not the very first--friends that Mac and I made in Austin is named Buford? Pretty cool.

Yay for walks with sweethearts and best friends, and for Christmas walks at that! I think it was the best gift Mac could've possibly given me.

How Rude!

2009-12-28T23:43:00.000-06:00

How rude of me to not include Mac's blog address on the last post. And how rude of me to say "How Rude!", knowing that for at least one other person in the world, it will conjure up unwelcome images of Jar Jar Binks. Mesa sorry!

http://mikemacdonald.wordpress.com/

For your viewing enjoyment:
Supposed To Be, by Jack Johnson and Jar Jar Binks
Many Deaths of Jar Jar Binks

Mac doesn't seem to agree that the above videos are hilarious. What's your vote? Am I nuts?

While I Was Away...

2009-12-26T16:26:00.001-06:00

Here's a look at some of the things that went down during my incredibly long lapse from blogging:

I managed to convert 1 to 2 to 3 (and in case it's not obvious from the last picture...make a little cash along the way!)

I made my first successful pie crusts ever!

Mac started a blog of his own!

(Oh, and hell froze over too. Tiny joke, as Mac used to tease me about my excessive blog presence.)

And speaking of hell freezing over, Mac took a walk with me yesterday for Christmas : ] A walk as in...outside...with no foreseeable destination! My favorite. I think this deserves a post all its own.

UPDATE

I almost forgot! I also got a new job, which is as close as I'll probably ever come to a childhood Della Street fantasy.

(Not to be confused with this...)

Haha, thanks for indulging me. It looks like I also acquired a new follower in my absence, which thrills me to pieces. Hopefully I haven't lost everyone with the last few hours of blogging!

Merry Christmas Blues

2009-12-26T14:47:00.001-06:00

Taking a Starbucks break on our Christmas walk--thank you, husband...you are my very favorite gift.

It seems like it's hard not to feel blue about Christmas at some point. Whether it's leading up to it...during...or the day after when it's all over. Some part of me wonders if we're not all reaching for something that we'll never fully find until Jesus comes again. The fullness of eternal peace, joy, and life. Unity, family, and a home. Maybe there's something deep within us, reminding us through some kind of longing ache, that what Jesus came to do is not quite finished yet. There is more to the story...more to hope for...and this, as good as it is, is not as good as it gets.

As long as there is breath inside us, there is opportunity to hope. But hope, I find, is rather hard work. Work enough to last me the remaining 364 days of the year. I'll be honest, there is a part of me that is struggling to let go of this year. So many wonderful things happened in 2009. So many stories I had always secretly hoped for and dreamed of finally came true. There is a part of me that does not dare to keep 'hoping forward', I guess. It seems much safer to remain somehow stuck in time (forever teetering on that dangerous border between contentment and just plain settling). Of course I know this is nonsense, and so rather clumsily, I will move forward with the rest of the world into a brand new year. I will do the work of dreaming, hoping and praying...for more adventures and answers to come.

Hope is the opposite of giving up. When I am tempted to give up (and that is much more often than I care to admit...though much less often than it used to be, I believe...), I hope I remember words like the ones I read today...

I cry out to the Lord;

I plead for the Lord's mercy.

I pour out my complaints before him

and tell him all my troubles.

When I am overwhelmed,

you alone know the way I should turn.

I look for someone to come and help me,

but no one gives me a passing thought!

......

Then I pray to you, O Lord.

I say, "You are my place of refuge.

You are all I really want in life."

-from Psalm 142-

Sometimes I feel stupid for writing the things I do. I'm glad David didn't...or at least...didn't let it stop him.

The Best of Times, etc.

2009-12-01T21:55:00.000-06:00

This photo has nothing to do with the post--I'm just so excited to see leaves that change color!

In high school English, we were supposed to read Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities. I read just enough to 1) Know that it was the best of times and it was the worst of times, 2) Understand why, when I took up knitting, my best friend nicknamed me Madame Defarge and 3) Make me want to actually read it now that I am an adult of my own free will.

The thing is...and this is a tragically lame comparison, I know...but I have been thinking about Dickens' words a lot lately in regards to this year. It's been the best of times (being serenaded on Skype, falling in love with the handsomest, funniest, most thoughtful, understanding, best-dressed cowboy singer and all-around favorite man on the planet, being proposed to on bended knee with magnetic poetry, shopping for a wedding dress with my mom, taking a tour of photobooths on a roadtrip across the USA, a bachelorette party of two with my best friend, getting married in a WWII lookout shelter overlooking the Pacific Ocean on one miraculously unfoggy day in April, spending the summer on Flathead Lake with my new family and two of the best doggies ever, building a cozy little summer home above the garage, sharing all of this with family and friends at our reception and going away party in July, heading off into the sunset for a new life in Austin, TX, finding a new church and friends that welcomed us in, settling into our first apartment, making Thanksgiving dinner with each other like we dreamed of one year ago) and it's been the worst of times in some ways too...(learning to navigate a strange new city and way of life, being unemployed and unable to find a steady job for 9 months, wondering how we're going to make it, application after application, interview after interview, rejection after rejection, finding out how selfish I am when living side by side with another human being, facing up to my fears about love, marriage, new things, looking stupid, driving and everything else imaginable, starting completely over with every person I meet and finding myself without a reputation, a career, a common background, an image or some kind of attraction to stand on, missing my family and friends like they will never know).

It's no Dickens tale, I know, but still. In the best of times (and reflections thereupon) I feel toppled over with blessings and the vast, undeserved love of God poured out. In the worst of times (and unrecommended reflections thereupon) I feel uncapable, abandoned, forgotten and alone. I know through and through that God always loves and cares for us, but sometimes I don't understand when I can't see Him acting on that.

Well, my mischievous husband just sneaked up from behind and scared the stuffing out of me and I seem to have lost my train of thought (which is bound to produce a "WOW" from said husband when I later catch him reading this post). It doesn't matter much, because the conclusion of my story is and will always be that God is in control and I love Him and trust Him...Besides, Madame Defarge has a lot of knitting to do. Thanks for indulging my rambling. In the process of doing so, I discovered it is much easier and much more fun to recall the best of times. I'm pretty sure they always outnumber the worst of times anyway. And besides...my worst is circus peanuts compared to some people's...so I should just stop whining.

*Note to Mr. Dickens--I'm sorry I massacred your masterpiece. One day soon I will actually read it and feel quite stupid, I'm sure. Incidentally, I do hope your story's conclusion was the same as mine...

Can it, Worms!

2009-11-16T21:49:00.000-06:00

Saturday morning at breakfast, we opened up a can of worms. I asked Mac if he missed Boston (where he had been living before we married, honeymooned in the Northwest and moved to Texas). He said, "Not really," other than that he missed playing music. Then he asked if I missed Missoula (Montana, where I had been living before we married, etc.). Herein lay the worms. "Yes," I said. (Every day, I thought). And so, he kindly and bravely proceeded to ask what I missed. I don't think I had allowed myself the luxury of voicing it before, which as it turns out, was perhaps the wisest thing. All of the sudden I missed it so much, I managed to turn an otherwise sunny Texas day into a rather vivid shade of blue.

So. Rather than bore you (and depress me) with all the things I miss about home, and bein' that it's Thanksgiving time and all...I've decided to list all the things I do really like about living here. Can it, worms.

The people. In general, people are super friendly here...but beyond that, we have made some amazing friends who have made us feel so loved and welcomed.
Our church family. Again...loved and welcomed us more than any I've ever been in. I know we are where God wants us to be.
The sunshine. Sure I miss the seasons (oops, it slipped out), but I have to admit the almost constant sunshine is wonderful. I actually think people are emotionally healthier here because of it. Besides, knowing I'll probably never have to scrape a car window is heavenly.
The rain. Someone told me that Austin gets more rain than Seattle, we just get it all in dumps. I believe it too. When it rains here, it POURS. And I adore a good dump of rain.
Austin is one of the craftingest, thriftingest towns I've ever seen. You can guess how I feel about that.
Maybe it's just the crowd I've fallen into...but women seem more secure and well-adjusted here. I have yet to hear one who even hints at thinking she is fat or ugly. I know this seems like an odd comment, but I kind of grew up thinking that's just what women did...so it's weird--and nice--to see something else.
The recent discovery of a grocery store that carries a bunch of my hard-to-find favorites: fruity tootsie-rolls, milk & dark chocolate covered honeycomb, carob raisins (and maltballs, which I have yet to try), dried chile mangos (and pineapples!?), Silk nog (and pumpkin spice Silk which I also haven't tried)...and in general...just more vats of snacky goodness to sample in bulk. Annnnnd said store is located right by Michael's (which has been selling wool yarn on the cheap), Barnes & Noble (which apparently has free wi-fi now), and World Market (which sells Haribo gummies and my dream couch).
Everyone needs a chance to start over somewhere...sometime. I've got the best husband and friend in the world to do just that with.

There's a ton more, I'm sure. A ton more to discover. 31 years old and making a home in a new place for the first time...I guess it all just takes time.

Fingerless Glove Love

2009-11-11T09:57:00.002-06:00

Doing what I do best...

In fact, this is what I shall be doing pretty solidly through the end of the month. A friend of mine (she went to school with Mac and me!) has ordered 10 pair of fingerless gloves to give away for Christmas gifts. Well, 9 to give away and 1 to keep for herself : ] I'm so excited for the knitting--and because it means I get to discover some yummy new yarn colors from KnitPicks! Pictures and progress reports are sure to follow. Now to the knitting...

Awkward Fashion Shoot, or...How I Convinced Myself to Buy a Mirror

2009-11-10T21:51:00.001-06:00

So apparently, in addition to matches, the newlyweds also neglected to purchase a full-length mirror when starting a life together. Strangely, I have been living without one now for about a year and a half. This strikes me as kinda awesome, as I used to be the person who never left the house without a comprehensive image study, usually followed by harsh words and an evaporating desire to leave the house. Perhaps it's best I haven't had one for a while. There have been occasions of late, however--mainly job interviews--when I have no clue what I look like and decide that it's necessary to know.

Enter the self-timed photograph, my makeshift mirror. A lame little photoshoot preserved for posterity and hereby exported to the world at large:

While it's a pretty handy little tool for playing 'What Not to Wear' with myself (left photo), I think I can say with some degree of certainty that I will never become a fashion blogger. Don't get me wrong though, I'm a big fan. To a former fashion magazine junkie who quit the habit out of increasing: 1) poverty 2) discontentment with actual life in comparison (or was it magazines in comparison to actual life?) 3) annoyance over fat pages of advertisements and depressing articles about the 47 ways to ensure your lover will never cheat (and the 21 ways to find out if he is)...the discovery of daily little fashion inspirations that are both free, free of the aforementioned annoyances, and a little bit closer to my reality (they thrift!)...is kind of sweet.

A few of my favorites...

1. Adored Austin

2. Kansas Couture

3. Blue Collar Catwalk

4. Jen Loves Kev

Reader (self) beware...hours seem to get swallowed in the oohing and ahhing over their photos!

P.S. Yes, I know I'm a dork. (Might as well insert this postscript after every entry from here on out).

Colors

2009-11-09T10:41:00.000-06:00

Montana sunrise...

Texas sunset...

Deep Thoughts

2009-11-06T11:47:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I think God brings us to the end of our rope so that we will finally just let go.

(Continuing in the 'Deep Thoughts' tradition that was started over here at my first blog. My sometimes silly and occasionally/accidentally deep reflections on life.)

One Year Ago Today

2009-11-02T17:42:00.001-06:00

The funny thing is, we weren't even dating. This was just a joke. My answer? Well...let's just say it's a surprise to both of us that 3 months later we were engaged, 5 months later about to get married, and one year later sharing a life in Texas. Thank God for surprises.

Mac-O-Lantern

2009-10-30T17:23:00.031-05:00

After a particularly crappy day, Mac surprised me with pizza, a scary (but not really) movie, and pumpkins ripe for carvin'. He even scraped the inside of the pumpkin out for me (in exchange for roasted pumpkin seeds).

So, of course, I carved a Mac-O-Lantern in his honor.

You can't really see how he originally turned out,

because silly me didn't photograph him until days later when he started to sag (and mold and leak rotten pumpkin juice all over the counter).

In my defense, I was waiting until we had matches...yet another thing you apparently don't think to buy when you're starting a life together. For the record, I was especially proud of his nose (and the resemblence I think it bore to Mac's own nose).

I think Texas mold might be in a league of its own. You know what they say...everything's bigger in Texas. I was utterly amazed that it had ravaged poor Mac-O-Lantern in a mere 4 days (from birth to death). And both Mac and I agreed we'd never seen such pitiful incontinence* in a pumpkin before. Poor fella.

*Apparently this word has another meaning I didn't know about. Eeeep!

Donut Day Revival

2009-10-26T23:29:00.001-05:00

I'll be the first one to tell you that I get really excited about little things. It might be my favorite thing about myself, and about the like-minded folks I find along the way. The most recent excitement in my life is the reinstitution of Donut Day.

Donut Day was originally invented as a diet plan for myself. I would eat healthy stuff (relatively...it is me we're talking about here) all week long, and then one day a week, I would allow myself the junkiest, tastiest thing I could imagine: a mmmmaple bar. I used to work the night shift during the week. Friday mornings, my weekend would begin, and I would practice my weekly donut ritual. This was back when I was a swingin' (hardly) singleton. Now I've discovered a Donut Day built for two!

Sorry that I don't have a better photo of our excursions to prove it. You will no doubt see more of those in the future. So far, I'm partial to Randall's (the Safeway of Texas) maple bars...but you don't really get the full donut and cheap coffee experience there. Shipley's is in first place so far for that. I like the box they come in, too! There's another place nearby I have to try though...it makes me think of home, for reasons I will explain in a future post (once we actually go there!)

So...the little thing I take joy in here is not just a weekly donut, but the fact that Heaven sent me a wonderful partner who seems to enjoy it, and other simple things, almost as much as I do. I love him so.

(left: Mac and Me on our honeymoon--6 months ago!)

Other little things that are currently delighting me more than anyone could possibly know...I have 3 blog fans now!! I know other people have hundreds, but this is really exciting to me. And the second morsel of joy...my best friend, after months--maybe years--of attempts to convince, and years of giving up all hope, has finally decided to blog. I hope she doesn't stop! Go and tell her not to right now!!

Last bit of news (I'm wordy today because I'm long overdue in writing!)...my church is hosting a donut-eating contest. That's right. Behold: a 2-lb donut monster. And because they don't want to encourage gluttony, of course, they're having people sign up in teams. Oh my--can I really resist this?

Childhood Dreams

2009-10-01T23:32:00.002-05:00

Yeah, so I know most little girls dream of things like becoming an actress, or an artist, or the president or whatever. But when I was little, my dreams were different. I guess this should come as no surprise, considering my childhood swoonhearts were Burl Ives and the judge on the old Perry Mason shows (one of which I loved because he had more hair up his nose than he had on his head). I dreamt of being a school teacher...That's not so odd, you say. I also dreamt of being a secretary. The school teacher fantasy I blame on my insane hunger to learn, and on the fact that I was secretly a bit bossy ('A bit' by my measurements only. Other people...sisters, for example, might choose terms like, 'quite bossy' or 'holy terror'). As for wanting to be a secretary, I think it's because one summer vacation after 2nd or 3rd grade, I discovered an antique typewriter inherited by my mom. That typewriter and I lived at my one-armed, wooden school desk for the entire summer, plunking out reports from encyclopedia articles that I read for fun. I remember handing over my complete volume of reports on all 50 states to my at-a-loss-for-words mom. She probably asked me if it was for school, and I probably said No, it's for fun!, and it was probably after that summer that I was moved to a smaller school with a slightly smaller social pool in which to inevitably be devoured. Another reason for my penchant for all things secretarial was perhaps the viewing of one too many black-and-white movies in which somebody's girl Friday wore smart-looking pencil skirts, cardigans and horn-rimmed glasses (to disguise how beautiful she was, of course...that is, until the last act when she removed her glasses and promptly eloped with her handsome boss).

These dreams drifted a little over time (although my fashion sense remains very much black-and-white film secretary), but there was one odd childhood dream which lasted me through adulthood. For some peculiar reason, I always wanted to be the person on the other side of the glass in a retail store's window display...Setting the display up, or maybe just sitting there waiting to see if anyone would notice my presence. I have multiple theories on the existence of this fantasy: Rhoda Morgenstern, Mary Tyler Moore's window-dressing best friend...the scene with Bob Hope and the mannequin in Lemon Drop Kid...the time my oldest sister modeled a snowsuit (or was it a snowmobile?) at a department store in the mall and no one in my family recognized her...

Anyway, the point of this long-winded story is that last week, I finally achieved a childhood dream. I had a temporary job setting up a brand new store downtown. And guess what I got to do? That's right! I got to cozily wedge myself in between the display and the window and set-up/straighten/clean away. I even smiled at a stranger passing by and had a conversation with my handsome husband through the glass.

There are those childhood dreams, I am told, that once fulfilled are quickly dismissed as being not nearly as cool as you thought they would be. This is not one of them...or else...I'm just a contented soul. Judging from the look of glee on my face at 4 or 5 years old (see above), maybe I was just made to unwrap furniture.

Give a Hoot!

2009-09-28T22:21:00.001-05:00

So, remember when I said I was searching for a knitting project to take up soon!? I think I found my dream project! It's owls! On a sweater! And it's free (courtesy of Ravelry.com)!

On a slightly sadder note (or two), I'm afraid I'll have to wait until I have an income to make this. For the time being, I'll have to occupy myself with projects that can be completed from my too-large (but apparently not large enough for bigger projects) yarn stash. Second sad note...yesterday in church the 'turn-around-and-shake-hands' question was, "What is your favorite thing about Fall?" So I proceeded to explain to two sweet ladies nearby that I was looking forward to the cooler weather...at which they both gave pitying laughs and said..."We don't have cooler weather. In fact, we don't have Fall". Apparently, Fall in Texas consists entirely of the smell of pumpkin spice. Sigh. I guess I'll have to content myself with a candle and a project I'll never be cold enough to wear. The good news is, there is something called Winter that I've been told lasts anywhere from 3 days to 6 weeks during the months of February and March. And then there's always the A/C situation...

Well, it may not be pumpkin spice, but I did bake some Apple Crisp this evening in a burst of Fall-y feelings. Actually, the sad truth is, I thought apples might be a good way to sneak in Vitamin C for my sickly husband. Apples have Vitamin C...don't they? How about broccoli and tomatoes (which we had at dinner)? Hm. Oh who am I kidding...like I ever need an excuse to make/eat a treat. I will tell you that I did manage to replace the white flour with wheat flour and use Smart Balance instead of butter. Amazingly...it tasted just as bad for me as always...which, sadly, did not stop me from eating most of the pan. (Thank goodness I halved it!)

The Little Things

2009-09-22T21:51:00.001-05:00

I'm fairly obsessed with these Pom-Pom Trees here in Texas. (Anyone knowing their proper name should feel quite free to correct me--I'd correct myself if I wasn't so tired).

I'm also pretty much wonderstruck at the sight of this. One thorny Pom-Pom escaping to make its new home on a telephone wire.

Most often, it's the little things that keep me churning, and every once in a while, I have to check myself. When my wondermeter's off, so am I...and it usually means I must look up instead of down.

Brrrr!

2009-09-20T16:35:00.002-05:00

Brrrr + Texas = Weird, I know...But if there's one thing I've learned about living here, it's that you have an indoor wardrobe and an outdoor wardrobe. Every day. Mac teases me for changing my clothes so much, but it's not just me being indecisive. Restaurants, coffee shops and stores (not to mention husbands) seem to keep the A/C just south of Arctic, so leave the sweater at home and you're in for a shaky meal/drinking/reading/browsing/shopping session. Texas girls know this.

Couple this phenomenon with a week of cooler, rainy weather which one of our pastors jokingly called "Faux Fall" (he's from Wisconsin and I think Mac and I were the only other people in the room who laughed instead of staring blankly), and you have my current state of mind: Fall on the brain and in the house, 90 degree confusion outside. Anyway, all this is to say...Hm, not much. Just a glimpse into our surroundings and "Look Ma! I made Chicken Tortilla Soup!" and "Look Sis! I'm wearing the scarf you gave me from Russia (and I'm terrible at tying it)!". I love Fall, even Faux Fall.

Chicken Tortilla Soup

You know the other funny thing about it all? I think I see more pale skin here than I did at home (which sorta makes me fit in...right?). I guess it's too hot to be outside so everyone hides and fades in the A/C. Small irony: I tried to resupply myself with sunless tanning lotion (speaking of all things faux) when we first got here, only to find that they only sell it for medium to dark skin. ?.

P.S. In accordance with my Fall brain, I plan to start a knitting project any day now. Because Mac's not wrong that I am indecisive...I may have to ask for your help in deciding on a project : ]

P.P.S. A word about ghosty hands (top photo). They remind me of this video (proceed with caution), which Mac sent me the other day in an attempt to cheer me up. If scaring me almost out of my seat = cheering me up, then...success! Okay granted, we did have a pretty good laugh about my reaction hours later, but oh man...

If it's Wednesday, I must be Homesick

2009-09-16T18:30:00.002-05:00

I stumbled across this local t-shirt company one day in a rather hip gas station in my hometown. I didn't know it was a rather hip gas station until I stumbled in (desperately looking for a beverage while Mac was washing his car). That's Missoula for you.

Anyway, I guess I'm homesick, because I find myself really wanting one of these as a cozy souvenir of all that I miss. Yes, I know I rarely ever wear t-shirts with graphics. Yes, I do tend to think they look better on boys (or boyishly framed girls...I mean that as a compliment!). Yes, I really hate the boys-in-v-necks trend. Yes, I think much of the posings on the website might be described as a wee over the top. Yes, it's making me miss home all the more anyway.

Speaking of missing home all the more, these t-shirts are not just available at hipster gas stations, but at the Missoula Farmers Market as well...which I also dearly miss. I'm not sure if this company is the source of the famous/infamous (406)* t-shirts or not (anyone out there know?). But heck, I miss those too. (Photo at right, courtesy of my lovely cousin, Jess)

* (406) is the area code for Montana telephone numbers. Yep, we have only one area code for the whole state. It rules!

Many Changes

2009-09-14T22:32:00.000-05:00

Ain't it the truth...

A year ago, Mac and I hadn't even met (for the second time), and yet we've already been married for 5 months. You could say it's been a whirlwind year...One in which we've made a combined total of 4 moves, 3 country-dissecting roadtrips, and countless other adjustments that come with the aforementioned territory...not to mention with marriage itself.

All things considered, I guess we're both doing pretty well. The job search frequently tries our patience...but as our pastor taught us to say in church today, It could be worse. At least there are lots of jobs to apply for. The laws of odds and averages and all that have to be at work the more often that we apply, right? Not to mention a loving God who cares little for laws and odds and averages (but cares lots for us, thank goodness).

Case in point with It could be worse...I'm glad we made it past this stage! At least now when we have interviews, we actually know where our clothes can be found...

Oh, and lest I forget...It is no small feat to have found a church that we both love and feel at home in. We have been taken in by so many wonderful people that I can't help but know we're in the right place. A job is sure to come soon...

Liquid Hug

2009-09-12T13:32:00.001-05:00

So, three days ago I said I'd tell you tomorrow why I was glad to wake up to rain. I guess that makes me two days late. Not that anyone noticed, but sorry all the same.

So there it is. I was glad to wake up to rain simply because I had asked for it : ]

Apparently I did not realize how much I was asking the heavens to sympathize...or how many other people were asking too...because it has not stopped raining since. And I'm okay with that.

Now Playing...

2009-09-09T22:28:00.001-05:00

at a theater near you...

So, today I had a second interview for an amazing job, and got equally amazingly lost. So lost that I had to phone Mac, who was thankfully home and near a computer, a grand total of oh...4 or 5 times. I left 2 hours early for the interview, thinking I would grab some coffee with all that time to spare. All that time being, in the end, about 6 minutes. I am hopeless when it comes to navigating. Hopeless!

To make things more pitiful, by the time I found where I needed to be, it seemed there was nowhere for me to park. So, I was left with nothing to do but park at a food joint next door, pray fervently that I wouldn't get towed, and walk along the highway to get where I was headed. I guess it's nice that it had stopped raining by then*, although I was excitedly prepared for bad weather with the top half of my new little suit from a recent trip to ThriftTown (shown right).

You know what one of the worst things about interviews are? The hours and days that follow when I go into Interview Critic mode: Why on earth did I say that? Why didn't I say that? And I rehearse the whole thing over and over in my head, hoping I won't make the same dumb mistakes 'this time'. It reminds me of my mom when she's watching a movie that she's seen multiple times before. She always tries to warn the hero that something bad is about to happen, but invariably...the script never changes.

Well, enough of my rambling. I'm just thankful I actually made it there on time and in one piece. And I'm thankful for a very patient husband who was standing by to help me. *Annnd, I'm very thankful I woke up to rain today! Tomorrow, I shall tell you why.

My First Quilt...almost

2009-09-07T22:29:00.002-05:00

Lately I have been feeling painfully inspired...and deeply unmotivated. This, as you can well imagine, is a frustrating combination. Today I got inspired to make my first quilt (maybe it was my talk of patchwork in the last post that did it). I found some pretty hopeful beginner patterns here (Amy Butler!) and here...but alas, the above montage demonstrates precisely how far along I got in the project.

Well anyway, it was nice to unearth some of my fabric from storage. It's also nice to know (in theory anyway) that one day soon I might possibly justify this weird addiction I have to cotton prints. As for the jumping on the bed...Well, Mac was safely out of the room, the camera was rolling, and I'm afraid I couldn't resist. Speaking of silly bedroom photos...

Mac dug my Seabiscuit costume out of the closet one evening and said, "You should take a picture for my profile". I was more than happy to oblige...and more than pleased with the results. He did not, however, end up using the photo, as he suddenly became afraid of the unsavory comments that might ensue. Well, call me innocent, I just think it's funny.

Coffee & L'Engle

2009-09-05T19:49:00.002-05:00

(jottings in this book are not my own--I bought it 2nd hand)

Tired. Jumbled. Lacking the proper words to explain the profoundness of what I feel...what is going on inside of me. This is a picture of today.

I have been wondering for a few days what my voice is doing here. What I have to say...who I am and why I'm here. Questions I usually forget to ask until after I have opened my mouth to speak. Or opened my computer to write, whatever. Questions which, like all good questions, come to me in the strangest forms. Words from a contestant on Project Runway (expressing the idea that there may be a lot of talented creators in the room, but most of them still haven't figured out what they're trying to say), a silly little blog that still doesn't know what it's supposed to be, the Psalm that I read this morning (Psalm 39), and a new old book that I decided to take down from my shelf and read today for the first time (Walking on Water, Reflections on Faith & Art by Madeleine L'Engle).

This morning I felt like a threadbare patchwork quilt. The physical, the spiritual, the creative and the practical me's tidily segmented and barely stitched together. But tonight, I feel like...a pot of stew. One that maybe hasn't been stirred for a while, but is beginning to be stirred again. I don't want to be a pieced together life; I want to be a seamless life. I want who I am and what I say and wear and do and love to be a walking mystery that only God could create, not a sloppy assemblage of all the various things I am trying to be at any given moment in time. I want all the meager little creations that find life through my feeble expression to be an extension of all of the above. A tiny, tiny extension of the vast mystery of God.*

Now in the end, as always seems to be the case, my metaphors break both legs and cease to run. Because, yes if I had to choose an inanimate object to be...I'd probably much rather be a quilt than a pot of stew. But bear with me just until the point is made. Afterall, I told you I lacked the words.

So, did I mention that this book I've started is amazing? It's exactly what I need to be reading right now. And did I mention that this cup of extreme coffee-like beverage was so rough that it left me feeling sick all day...so much so that I could do nothing but lay down in bed and read more of this amazing book? I don't think I did.

*A fragrant, nourishing, tasty bite of stew, if you will...and I dearly hope you will (forgive me my sometimes runaway, sometimes crippled up metaphors).

My Cowboys Shirt

2009-09-03T23:15:00.001-05:00

Reasons I love this shirt. 1. It's a leftover from a superbowl/dressup party that has funny memories. 2. My sister gave it to me. 3. It came from Goodwill back home. 4. It's been around a long time and I only recently rediscovered it in storage under my Grandma's spare bed. 5. I'm a Texan now. 6. My husband just happens to be a lifelong Cowboys fan.

That being said, I did not intend to leave the house in this shirt. It's usually reserved for sleep and moving days. However, Mac called this morning with an urgent errand request and so I left the house in well, glorified sleepwear. Only trouble was, said errand put me dangerously close to ThriftTown, and I'm afraid I couldn't resist a visit. Even in pj's.

Possible reasons why I got funny looks at ThriftTown today. 1. This shirt is awesome. 2. I hadn't showered. 3. I probably couldn't feign a decently convincing interest in football if I tried.

Oh well, it was worth it. I scored big today. Clothes for upcoming interviews (and hopefully an upcoming job...), short sleeved tops for the heat (Finally! My Montana wardrobe left me sorrowfully unprepared), and a tripod with which I nerdily snapped this photo.

Sew Low and Solo. Terrible Wordplay, Awesome Content.

2009-09-02T21:05:00.002-05:00

I love Austin for things like this. Of course, I'd love it a lot more if I actually had people to do these things with. I know it takes time to make friends...and I know doing stuff is how you meet people...but sometimes I just wish I could download all my friends/mom/sisters from home. That's not to say anything against the people here because everyone I've met has been super friendly. It's just that making new friends is not exactly as easy as say...watching Mary Tyler Moore with your husband.

I'm thinking that once I'm working and have money, I'll take some classes. Maybe here or here or...

here

Classes are a pretty non-scary way to meet people, right?

Seriously, how cool is this (left)...They bring crafting. To your door. In an Airstream trailer. Named Stella. Head. About. To explode!

News 8 story on the upcoming crafting weekend (complete with video interview)

I Love a Project

2009-09-01T20:06:00.003-05:00

This was my project for the day. Thank you cards for the wonderful guests at our wedding reception and send-off party.

I have a love-hate relationship with unemployment right now. I love that it affords me time to do stuff like this, but I hate that it brings no income and generally makes me feel like a worthless slob who stays at home shunning the lovely Texas sun. Anywho.

This is what we used for our party invitations (minus all the details).

I think it was one of our first lessons in the art of compromise. I wanted to send out handmade invitations by mail, and Mac wanted to send out evites. Thinking that it probably wouldn't put our union in the best of lights if we each did our own separate thing, we found a way to meet in the middle. I handmade the invitation, and Mac scanned it in to e-mail to all our friends.

This was what I had planned to do all along before changing my plan at the last minute.

I could never come up with a color for the birds, for reasons which I shall explain in a later post. And I also couldn't shake the feeling that this picture was just a little too cutesy for our invitation.

This is the gloomy cousin of the previous picture. Mac voted it down, and I agreed.

This is the original page in my sketchbook.

Now, back to being unemployed.

A History Lesson

2009-08-31T19:36:00.010-05:00

Well, it seemed appropriate for the first post. Pictures of Mac and me from 4th grade, the year we met. People ask us if we were sweet on each other back then ("back then" being grades 4 through 12), and whether we have any memories of each other. Well, to satisfy curiosity: Mac says he liked me in 4th grade. I say I liked him off and on throughout the years, but confess I had crushes on practically everyone at some point. (He did too, he just won't say that). At any rate, there was never a time when I didn't like him, because I think he has the rare gift of universal likeability. Here are a few memories we have of each other.

Mac remembers going to a basketball game in 4th grade and me eagerly grabbing him by the hand when I saw him and saying "Come sit with us!" This evidently was before I turned all shy and awkward.
I remember one time in 5th grade when Mac saw the pointy shoes I was wearing and asked to try them on. He attempted to walk in them and fell into a backwards pratfall, legs and arms flailing. He asked me, "How can you even walk in these things!?"
I remember Mac asking me on the playground to marry his best friend. I also remember him calling me a name on the playground when I was being a tease (again not shy?), but I'm not allowed to bring this story up.
We both remember going to the Sizzler buffet in 4th or 6th grade and him getting ice cream from the machine. At first he couldn't figure out how to make it stop, and once he did, he just kept it going because everyone was laughing at him and his 2 foot tower of swirly vanilla ice cream.
I remember having a discussion at a basketball game in 4th (?) grade about candy hearts, and whether the sayings on the hearts contained in each valentine I gave out were intentional or accidental. I lied and said they were accidental (because I was embarrassed at how seriously I took the messages and amazed that someone had found me out). I seem to remember asking Mac why he would worry, because the candy heart message I gave him was good...which sort of blew my whole 'accidental' routine. I think the heart I gave him said something like "Why not?"
I remember Mac's older sister staying at our house because she and my sister played 6th grade basketball together. I have a very vague memory of her standing in the doorway and telling me her brother liked me. That was in 4th grade.
I remember making a group video project for a high school history class. Mac was in my group, and we did a scene in a 'restaurant' (which was really the teacher's lounge). All we had for food in the scene was raw hot dogs. I ate one in an attempt to impress Mac and make him laugh. I don't remember if it worked.
A favorite memory: In 5th grade, Mac decided to take a fist-sized rubber ball that had been cut in half and suction it to his forehead. He had a nice, fist-sized, bright red hickey on his forehead for about a week.
This makes Mac laugh: I distinctly remember in 5th grade or so, when he began to transition from quiet guy to class comedian, and I remember the most popular guy in class taking note of it. I said to myself in all earnestness, "Oh no, we've lost him for good." ("We" being the quiet, unpopular kids...or probably just me).
This makes me cry: Mac distinctly remembers when I began to transition from fun, talkative, happy, flirty 4th grader to silent, inward and morose. When we met again at 30 years old...he asked me what happened back then, and told me it had always bothered him. That little conversation is probably a good chunk of the reason why we're together today.

So, there you have it. Hope that makes you as happy as it does me.